...not. These days I talk to people. But honestly, they're nothing like me. I'm an asshole, and they're just plain and simple weirdos. "Weirdos" in the sense they do the same shit everyone else does. Doomscroll their instagram, tiktok, whatever, so nothing like me. These guys are underdeveloped, I guess. They all believe the same shit: that being whatever they're told, then have the gall to get into arguments over thoughts that just aren't theirs. (They don't seem to think for themselves or make their own beliefs and philosophies. It's sad really.) Like I used to. Had I not gone insane in three years of isolation, I'd be just like 'em. Well, I'm left without a tribe of my own; honestly, my kind must be few and far between. Only guys I can relate to are reb 'n' friggin vodka. But those guys wouldn't like some pussy like me, eh? And in the end, chances are if I met someone like me, we'd brush eachother off, just like some other jackal I knew. People are more likely to be retards or savages than whatever I am, though, at least from a distance, there's probably little difference.

For regular people not well versed in stuck up, self important blabber, Belgorod is me complaining about me being unemployed and bored for a while after leaving the old place (Which was complete FUCKING GARBAGE! Another week there and you'd've heard about me on the news) while getting off to highly questionable bullshit.

Time seems to slip through my fingers like sand. I'm stone, unmoving, stagnant. In the head, still a brothel just like on TV. but the well of tears is dry, guilt and shame have evaporated with it. I've tied myself down too, but I'll just have to suck it up and live with mhyself. Which won't benefit anyone, still.

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So like just yesterday they announced a new Evangelion, made by FUCKING YOKO TARO. THE NIER GUY. Now I FUCKING LOVE Yoko Taro's work as well as Evangelion, but I think sequel culture has made me so apathetic that I see infinitely more value in just letting a fucking show or movie series or whatever die than continuing it, evidently even for things that I love. Anyway, Hideaki Anno stated something along the lines of that he'll basically let Evangelion continue under different people, apparently "like Gundam" but I've never watched it so I have no comparison, but I'm just like. Why? Why continue literally one of the most iconic animes ever made when its already been proven that previous remakes just couldn't hold a candle to it? I mean for fuck's sake, just let the cult classic be a FUCKING CULT CLASSIC. I vaguely remember something about it being "modernised for a new audience" but why bother? We can always watch the original, I mean its not like anime is getting much better these days so there's no game of catch-up to play (disregarding animation, 90s animation is literally just a different style), and even if they wanna do something "new" and "exciting", just make a different fucking show! People these days seem to have forgotten that you don't have to trample over a long beaten corpse just to tell a story, though it seems everyone else is positively tickled pink by the ever simpsons-ing show. Now, I'll admit I'm definately gonna pirate it when it comes out, then buy it if its good enough, but unless its somehow better than the original I'm still not gonna be so god damn happy about it.

For a while now I've been intensely interested in violence and gore. Part of it was sadism, but it wasn't the complete picture, as I think I recently figured it out. For maybe 3 years now, I've basically lived in emotional isolation. I for the life of me couldn't relate to anyone else and knew they wouldn't relate to me. Even now I'm probably shallow as a soup spoon to others, but gore and sadism dulled the pain. (slight tangent here) I think sadism was a side effect of shutting myself off emotionally as well as managing the anger I had. I'm pretty sure my EQ has bounced between mediocre and fucking nothing. From what I've heard, INTJs have naturally low empathy but mine was briefly abysmal even for me, and I've always been a bit callous callous and surprisingly fiery. Anyway, more on gore, it made humanity feel so meaningless. You could look at an actual human and to you they'd just be a leaking bag of meat, a glorified cyst. And who'd feel the need to empathise with a cyst? Its a fleshbag is all. It allowed me to feel comfortable without any comfort at all, which god knows I needed.